julia

i always say i don’t have regrets and we all know that’s a lie. everyone has regrets. there are things in my life that i have done, words i have said, actions i should’ve done, thoughts i kept to myself i should’ve share, etc. that i regret. there are moments in my life where i act, or react, or do neither and then ask myself why i did or didn’t do that. whether it’s for five minutes or five days, it was at one point a regret. i guess i say i don’t have regrets because i don’t regret anything i’ve done because of the place that it has taken me. i don’t regret the person i am today nor do i regret the friends i have, the place i live, and the activities i surround myself with. but in the long run, i guess i do regret a few things that have taken me to be who i am today. list? let’s do it.

ONE.
quitting skating. this has been brought up many times before and i just can’t help but wonder what could have been. also i regret quitting dance - not because i think i was good or that it could’ve taken me anywhere, but just because it was so much fun. plus i’m surrounded by dancers now so… it’d be kinda nice to be able to dance.

TWO.
not taking enough time in high school to really consider my post-secondary options. i could be at UCSB or UC Berkeley, or a university abroad. i could have started off in the program i wanted so i wouldn’t have to transfer and have wasted a years worth of both time and tuition.

THREE.
all the times i’ve made my mom feel like i’m ashamed her.

FOUR.
a LOT of countless purchases. my impulse buys. i’d be thousands of dollars richer if i had it all back, i swear.

FIVE.
asking killian to reconsider after we broke up. never again. and spending so much time crying over him. such a waste of time.

SIX.
that one time i felt like my sister liked alex more than she liked me and i made a big fuss, blasted alexisonfire, and sulked all day.

SEVEN.
never listening to my mom. if she says i should eat, i should eat. if she says i need a jacket, i probably do. lessons learned, thanks ma.

EIGHT.
many times where i’ve over drank because a) i was too drunk to know i was drunk, b) people kept handing it to me, c) i wanted to look like i can handle a lot of alcohol.

NINE.
the month of april with dylan… and the numerous times i cried, got mad at him, or made him feel bad. sorry dear.

TEN.
not putting enough effort into friendships that actually mean a lot to me. ie., amanda, britt, kristin, sabrina, amanda g, …it goes on. sorry ladies, i do love you, i’m just no good with calling and making plans.

ELEVEN.
slacking off in first year university just because i hated my courses. my transcript is not looking so hot. good enough for first year, not good enough for anything else.

TWELVE.
not getting my L / my N sooner, despite my mothers constant nagging.

THIRTEEN.
never having a birthday party, except maybe 4 times in my life.

FOURTEEN.
letting myself get fat in grade 10? something like that. gross.

FIFTEEN.
being scared to try different clothing because everyone at home is cut from the same mold. different clothing is comfortable.

SIXTEEN.
quitting swimming. i also think i would’ve been quite good at that had i kept going.

SEVENTEEN.
not following through with my marathon plans this year. but i swear i’ll do one by age 25.

EIGHTEEN.
not keeping in touch with allison, lisa, and judy from our quebec trip, despite living in the same province as 2 of them, and now the same city as one of them.

NINETEEN.
making fun of LGs - everyone grows up eventually. i am a LG and my friends treat me exactly the same as they would someone who was older… thank god.

TWENTY.
closing my life off from my dad.

some of my favourite yearbook comments:

top 5 sweetest & dear to the heart:

05. — you will always have a special place in my heart, and you know that no matter what happens I will always be there for you, with grapes in hand, arms open for a hug, and a bbq with patties, cooking. So I’ll be waiting for the day where we live happily ever after. Forever and ever babe!
04. Jules, you’re one of the greatest girls I know, I love you so much so don’t ever change, make sure you keep in touch. BFF
03. Julia! You have been a delight and you don’t even realize for what! But that’s my little secret! You have been one of the best & brightest and you are a key part of my favourite memories of the past several years. Enjoy the life to come & don’t just marry for money - you deserve more! Aim high & dream big :)
02. Julia, always so nice to me I’ll never forget it! So many good times! History 12 project, israel LOL. stay beautiful (and azn)
01. Julia Tsang, after 10 months of knowing you I still haven’t built up the courage to tell you that I’m madly in love with you. I think you are the most gorgeous person ever. Best of luck at Uvic!

top 5 funniest/inside jokiest:

05. Julia! what up E Lemonators! Have a great summer adn don’t forget what I said! “you’re way hotter than the drawing”
04. Julia my older sister/wife. We still need to get married on the beach and have a wicked awesome summer/life. Have a great summer and be sure to come over and eat burgers!
03. Julia WE ARE THE EDITORS! HAH You’re the man, just stop drinking and driving.
02. Julia. You are one white washed, bad driving, Tara Reid sounding asian. keep up the good work.
01. Team Asia, what a good last 4/5 years. Loads of memories, especially the time on Alyssa’s couch, you know what I’m talking about ;) more memories to come, better hang out lots when you’re back. love always.

top 5 silliest:

04. JULES! You’re an amazing girl, with amazing legs and an even nicer… oh wait! Thank you for all the memories!
03. Keep it sexy, Keep it single ;)
02. Hey Julia!! Stay pretty Julia!
01. Hey julia wasup u such a great person we had alot of Fun this year I want u to keep in touch with me I wish u have a good life.

top 5 waste of my time & yearbook space:

05. Julia we’ve been through so much together my life wouldn’t be the same without you! but we’re done so let’s party **and many more like this one - just fake friendships are their best.
04. Law 12 - Highest marks buddy LOL Too much fun in that class ahting on Manpal. Best of luck in the future!
03. Dang it’s hard to find free space in here, youre the best Julia have a great summer and an even better life.
02. Call me and let me make it Juicy for You
01. Julia! HAGS we should party someday

these are the ones i remember - first kisses.

one first kiss ever, trevor copland. grade nine, super awkward, it was when me and kristen watched the soccer game after school and he walked us home part way then me all the way. and then we stood under a little thing my complex has - can’t think of what it’s called at the moment - and he said i want to kiss you and as i was saying, you’re not supposed to tell a person, he kissed me. it was terrible. we dated for 3 months and then i broke up with him. i remember wearing my favourite green skirt the day after and spencer glassco saying i was looking good and i was trying to make trev even more sad. i wasn’t.

two first kiss with billy greene, grade ten, at sarah’s party that i went to with kp. we made eye contact across the room, he was wearing a blue & white striped polo and i was wearing a light purple and white american eagle halter. i asked who he was and we were introduced. it was pretty much i wanna kiss you at first sight. can’t remember the actual first kiss but i definitely remember kissing on the side of the house - the wall was rough, it was dark out except for one dim light on the side of the house, we could hear people trying to spy on us, and there were scratches from the wall on my shoulder blades the day after. he let me wear his (huge) football jacket when i was cold and made me dance with him. he texted the day after, like he promised.

three september 4 2008, i think. a frosh week event at either guvernment or embassy - manda you might know? he wore a tshirt and jeans i think and i wore fiona’s teal green shirt, black shorts, and my goldish guess heels. the firetruck came down willcocks and blocked the shuttle from coming down our street. i couldn’t run down the street so he told me to jump on his back and he carried me down willcocks to huron where the shuttle was. when he put me down, i leaned over, said thanks and kissed him. we had been eyeing each other since we first met at sex with sue. he thought he fucked his chances when he danced the entire night with amazon woman at the first club night. clearly, he didn’t. although i did meet tommy. gross. we danced the entire night, went back to res, found out we live in the same building (okay, i knew already), and i went to his room. i ended up leaving in case his roommate (mike, who later had a crush on me) would mind. i woke up with a note under my door with his number and an invite to hang out and a blurb saying he owed me a spooned nap due to kick outtage the night before. wow, long story. oh and it was killian by the way.

four the brunswick house, january 15 2009. first kiss with dylan, on the dance floor, at the brunny. how classy. he was with ashley at this point i do believe and it was very recent after the break up with killian. i was drunk, he was drunk. it was good. our first real kiss was february 14 2009. i’m almost positive because it was when he convinced me to drink with him, lawrence, and mark. i think. and then they left and i said i was going to stay. we laid there cuddling, and he was playing with the bottom of my shirt like he still does, and i looked up at him and we kissed. and then i said ew that was weird. i’m charming. third times a charm though because then it was just nice. i have no idea what i was wearing and i have no idea what he was wearing, but i know it was a big moment.

five my couch, may 28 2009, markwell aka the older one. we talked all night and flirted only a little. the tension was there and it was pretty obvious. i was talking about needles and blood and donating blood and he kept saying he can’t handle that stuff. i kept going jokingly knowing he’d make me stop somehow. he said roughly but softly at the same time, very odd, that he knew only one way to make me stop talking. i knew exactly what he meant. so i kept talking. then he leaned in and kissed me. later that night as he was leaving, we were kissing and i realized his hand was looking for the wall and i asked if he was so tired he had to lean. he said no, it was so i could do this. and he threw me against it and kissed me some more. i love stuff like that. it was good. but he wasn’t.

six june 2 2009, the underground, with juice. we talked all night at fionn mccool’s and he was a challenge. he eventually gave me his number by handing his phone to me with his number typed in when he left to go to the bathroom or something. i passed it back when he came back with my number typed in. we talked the entire way to the underground and then i got distracted by some baseball playa playas. i found juice and he made conversation. i cut him off and asked him how hard he was going to make me work before he kissed me. he said hmm, i don’t know, do you think you’ve worked enough? and i said yess, definitely. he pondered and as he did, his face came closer to mine. next thing, we were kissing. set up was perfect, the kiss was not. for reference, it has become good.

01. my favourite colour is yellow because it is a unisex colour. plus, it can be played down to be warm, inviting, and relaxing, or brightened to be exciting, loud, and bold. that’s the only reason - i don’t think it’s the prettiest and it’s not the most flattering colour on me or anything.

02. i recently discovered i don’t take crap from people. if you betray me, you’re cut. if needed, i will act civil and grown up about the situation, but don’t expect me to trust you ever again.

03. i still love hilary duff. i don’t listen to her music anymore because well, i don’t think she has many (good) hits but i still love her.

04. whenever i go to press the up/down button for an elevator, i think of the parent trap and if i’m alone i will sing “let’s get together, yeah yeah yeah, why don’t you and i comebine?”

05. rather than spending thousands of dollars on my future wedding dress, i’d prefer to invest that money in a beautiful diamond ring that i will actually wear everyday from that day forward.

06. i look forward to school. i don’t particularly enjoy homework nor class (not in my first year anyway) but i love learning.

07. one of my favourite things to do after a busy day is just to curl up by myself with a good book or movie and a hot cup of tea (weather depending).

08. sometimes i feel ridiculously grown up. when i’m paying bills, working two promo jobs, going out for drinks and patio nights… then sometimes, i realize i’m still such a kid. and i’m loving it.

09. the only way i am scared of spiders if they come in contact with me. otherwise, i am calm and i just kill them.

10. i love first kisses and remember all of them… the important ones anyway.

11. i could eat fruit all the time, every meal, every day. although i need carbs & protein, too.

12. i have a temper, an attitude, and i’m stubborn as fuck. either don’t piss me off or learn to take it if you can dish it.

13. i hate being asked what my favourite movie is. so now i’m taking the to think - how to lose a guy in 10 days, mean girls, grease, the parent trap, the breakfast club. that’s all so far.

14. my favourite outfits all consist of clothing at least a size or two too big. i’m going through a phase.

15. i am the worst exam taker. i freak out, go against my instincts, change my mind multiple times, and over think the simple questions. the absolute worst.

lessons of these days? life happens. sometimes it’s shit, sometimes it’s a great time, but it all figures itself out and what’s meant to be always finds a way. you gotta give a lot to get a little sometimes but it’s usually worth it. trust your instincts, say what you feel, never feel like how you feel isn’t important. get mad at your roommate if she deserves it, don’t worry about how you guys won’t get along after. if she’s a good roommate, she will apologize and the two of you will figure it out. boys aren’t everything, but they sure are cute and fun to have. have 2 advil and some toast and water if you already feel sick before sleeping. that’s an old lesson. another old lesson? wear a hair elastic with a bobby pin stuck on it around your wrist if you go to bed feeling sick and always, always, have a water bottle with ice cold water ready. a cool wash cloth if you’re that kind of person. if you really like the boy you have, keep him around. don’t ever start unnecessary drama but also never compensate your feelings to make something work, because then, well it ain’t working. never say how you feel and then regret it, because you said it for a reason. be scared to lose someone but know that you’ll be okay. we’re always okay. always tell the truth, even if the truth sucks because it’ll always find a way out. know that dumb things happen and dumb people say even dumber things. and find a way to move on. life is too short to dwell on anything. be mad if you are, cry if you’re sad, scream if you’re frustrated. then move on. life happens once, and it’s much too short to stay still.

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I was thinking that I’m going to go home in 11 days now. meaning I’ll see bams in 12. and that’s awesome, I’m stoked. well, I was stoked. now, I’m … unsure. I know we were on a break and I know it’d be awfully hypocritical of me to give him heck if he has been with other girls and I don’t plan on ragging on him about it. it would just be disappointing, no matter how hypocritical. it’s okay to be disappointed, right. maybe not because I did it, too. but I know one thing is for sure. if at any point he had persuaded a girl to do anything with him because he was “on a break”, or if he has had sex with another girl… that’s it. especially the last part. that is just too gross, too painful to even think about. basically, my heart would not be a happy camper. and so I’m thinking that it’s going to be really weird when I see him on the island because if we’re together at a party or something… well, wouldn’t it be weird knowing that at least a couple of the girls there have also kissed him and done who knows what else with him? that’s so weird and sad to think about. and the worst part is, lately he just hasn’t been as.. attached I guess you could say. I’m hoping he’ll call tonight so I can kinda ask him slash tell him this stuff. I like him and I miss him, but I’m scared of what it’s going to be like when I’m with him. and I realised yesterday that I spend a lot of time being scared and not enough being comfortable. it’s not good. people should be comfortable in their relationships knowing the other person isn’t cheating or doing anything bad - but we’re on a break so I guess it’s different? it just sucks that we both still like each other but we can be with other people. I’m being so hypocritical. this sucks. I just don’t like this arrangement even though it’s what we both wanted. urgh. not a fan of LD. not a fan.

- 4 sets bench presses, with weights !
- 50 pull ups
- 50 box jump/squat things
- 50 push ups
- 50 cleans
- 50 dead lifts
- 5 one minute planks on bosu
- jogging
- sprints on the row machine
… there isn’t a part of my body that is wanting to move in any sort of way. at all.

plus I know my last blog talks about how much I love my life and I do, I swear … but. yes, there is a but. I’m in a weird mood and just felt like taking anger out on someone. who’d I choose? obviously dylan. poor kid gets it all the time, ha. at least he puts up with me? bah. he won’t read this but I’m sorry. on the bright side, the work out was super dope today, plus I finally got protein powder. a normally a hundred something dollar tub for $50, plus a bottle of multivitamins, a bottle of fish oil capsules, and the protein bottle. other than that… lame day. good food though. haha I’m getting better at cooking! hard to believe, I know, but I’m doing it. uhm university application is done and handed in on compass (ew, remember that site manda?) but I just read the fine print yesterday and not only do I have to fill out a supplementary form (that I knew about) but I also have to write a 500 word thing on why I want to be in that program at their school. LAME. I hate universities and their dumb applications. I just want to get in and study there because I enjoy it - that doesn’t take 500 words to say! ohh well. here goes nothing. wish me luck? …and maybe some happiness. hah, thanks.

so as I was re-customizing my blog and coming up with a little tag-line for “surrey girl in toronto” I thought I’d use living the dream. because really, no one would turn down living the dream. and while that sounds completely crazy, absolutely absurd, and a hundred impossible to achieve as 1) i am not a celebrity 2) i am not a celebrity athlete 3) i am not a famous politician … you get the point. but after some contemplation, it’s hard to deny that I am, in fact, living the dream.

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i’m not a serious person, it’s a fact. i laugh at my life and chances are, i’ll laugh at yours.

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“and i, i close my eyes
and i kiss that frog
each time finding
the more boys i meet, the more i love my dog”

- more boys i meet, carrie underwood

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the world is at my feet and i’m at a loss.i feel helpless and completely useless in this situation. it is too beyond me. it’s something you hear about or something you read about.

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